How To: Move

Moving is a precarious process that the majority of people with lives and things to do will have to go through at some point in their lives. That’s why it’s very important to not plan it out at all and to make as many mistakes as possible.

In order to move, one must first go to their local Wal-Mart (it must be Wal-Mart, no matter how far away the nearest one is) and buy $100 dollars’ worth of boxes (Not including tax). Start from the largest sizes and work your way down, being sure to not have a cart so your arms are constantly filled and your motor skills impaired.

Go back to the place where you are moving from, and crumple up any documents and papers you have to use as packing material. If you don’t have enough, go back out and purchase some. Then grab all of the things you own (make sure they are indeed your things) and place one in each box, then fill the boxes with the packing material and staple them shut.

Now go and rent the biggest trailer at the local trailer-renting place. Then decide you aren’t comfortable with the trailer and get a truck. Drive it back home and get a snack, (you’ve earned it). Watch TV for the rest of the day.

Get up early the next day and load all of the boxes carefully into the truck and close it, making sure things don’t move around too much when it’s moving. Drive the truck to the gas station and fill it up. Then remember you have no place to move to. Get a snack.

Table Topics Family 34 #67-68


1. If you had to move, which part of the country would you move to?

2. What’s the best birthday party you can imagine?

ANSWERS By: Austin Smith

1. I just moved here, why would I have to move again? I wouldn’t move out of state, maybe to a smaller town or back home.

2. Not having a party

Speak Your Mind 150 #746-750


1. Do you like to watch college basketball?

2. Do you get enough time to yourself?

3. Which do you like better, worksheets or workbooks?

4. Would you like to move to a different country?

5. If an artist could draw a caricature of me (your teacher) what do you think the main features would be?

ANSWERS By: Austin Smith

1. I don’t watch any basketball.

2. Yes, I have quite a lot.

3. Worksheets probably, though I don’t know why.

4. Not really, I like it here.

5. Unanswerable.

Speak Your Mind 138 #686-690


1. Are most people in your family thin or heavy?

2. Describe your town.

3. Do you live in a two-story house?

4. Why do you think snakes move fast?

5. Do you like grapefruit juice?

ANSWERS By: Austin Smith

1. I would say thin, but a lot of them are old and heavier now.

2. Desert, plains, shabby, lonely, beautiful, proud, and full of idiots.

3. No, and I think I’m glad I don’t

4. Their entire body is a muscle that acts like a leg.

5. Yes, and I like grapefruits to.

Speak Your Mind 96 #476-480


1. Do you think it would bother your stomach to sit in the back seat of a station wagon facing backwards?

2. Have you ever had a broken nose?

3. What color tennis shoes do you like the best?

4. Would you like to move to a different city?

5. Do you make any animal sounds well?

ANSWERS By: Austin Smith

1. No, I don’t seem to get motion sickness and the like.

2. No I have not.

3. White, though I don’t wear tennis shoes.

4. No, but I think I may have to.

5. Yes, human sounds.