I Think Apple’s Still Going Down

I’ve had some time to study the Iphone 6 since its release, and some time to think about the Apple Watch since its announcement. I’ve put a lot of faith in Apple products since 2009 when I bought my MacBook and Ipod. Later I also got an Iphone. But now, to me, it seems that my prediction of Apple slowly going downhill post-Jobs is proving to be true.

I don’t have too much to say about the Apple Watch, other than that I won’t be buying one, ever. I’m not going to say that it’s a bad product, but in my opinion it’s poorly conceived. And I don’t want to charge another thing at night, I already kick myself when I use my phone too much to avoid having to charge it daily.

I will say that, on the new Macs, I’m glad they do still have USB and didn’t switch to Thunderbolt entirely like I originally thought (I don’t really listen to too much tech news). Other than that, I’m not the most pleased with their operating system, but that is really beside the point. And the OS is far from their worst failing, though it does add to the general slip in quality of their company as a whole.

My real problem comes with the Iphone. iOS has been going downhill for quite some time, in my opinion. I haven’t upgraded for a while, but that’s just because of my general dislike of upgrades. I see the new layouts and design choices, how everything fits together perfectly and I see a lack of character. The older app icons had character that these new ones lack. But as long as it functions, that doesn’t matter. And from what I’ve seen, the new app versions function exactly the same as, or worse than, my characterized versions. So I still like the older ones. And the sleek design is really off-putting. I tend to think more of us being controlled by devices like these and not being in control of them, a point that it seems was stressed before and has now been forgotten. The man who was to hold your hand through the friendly tech renaissance is no longer there, and neither is the friendly.

But to the new iPhone. I have a 4s, which I consider at this moment to be the last good iPhone. I love the design, aesthetically, ergonomically, etc. I think it is wonderful. The 5 is fine, and the 5s and 5c are both steps down. And the 6 is even worse (though, if you’re really counting, it should be the iPhone 8 or 9). First off, in my opinion, it looks ugly, which isn’t the biggest deal, the iPhone 4 looks kinda ugly, and indeed so do most cell phones, but at least the 4 looked rugged and classic. This new one just looks too rounded and thin, it’s like a toy. “Oh, your hurt yourself on the last phone, well here’s one that suits you better, Billy.” It’s kinda like Apple’s talking down to you.

The 6+ is even worse. I couldn’t possibly use it, it’s so large, and the thin, toy-ish-ness of it would make it easier to drop than to hold. I know that some people have a use for larger, thinner phones, but as I already try to cram my pockets, satchel, and backpack full of everything I might need, a few extra centimeters goes a long way toward making something uncomfortable. I’ve already combined my wallet and phone and still don’t have enough space in which to put things.

There’s also the bending problem, which isn’t really a problem as it requires one to put quite a bit of force on a specific point. The fact is that the new phones are much less durable than the old ones, which anyone can tell you is caused by their being thinner. Unless they made it out of titanium instead of aluminum, I don’t know how one could expect better performance, really. I just don’t want a bent phone. You’d think Apple would’ve tested that or maybe they just said, “Okay guys, we have this several thousand dollar prototype, no one sit on it” and the first day of purchasing someone says “I have this new several hundred dollar phone, let me sit on it!”

I can’t understand sitting on any phone. How in the world could you ever find that comfortable and/or not think it would break it in some way? I think the flaw is with both parties there.

I’m not going to be upgrading my iOS either, as I don’t want to see horrendous drops in the speed of use which may or may not be for malicious reasons. It is meant for better hardware, I wouldn’t expect windows 10 to run on most XP machines. As I said, I don’t like the graphic design, which is weird for me. I guess I just want more hard edges. YouTube moved away from hard edges some time ago and I still don’t like the way it looks now. It’s like it’s trying to stop me from hurting my eyes with the sharpness. And the new iOS has a lot of what seems to be semi-transparent features, like they’re ashamed and trying to hide. I’m not a fan, and I don’t think it functions better.

Now, I said at one point that the end of Apple would be the iPhone 5c with its silly plastic construction and vibrant colors. It looked like a toy, not like the serious and classy items Apple had made in the past three-quarters of a decade. After progressing past the kidlike original iMacs, they’re going back, and losing their exclusivity and image.

In a world with the Windows operating system and linux, Apple can’t sell to the bottom or the top of the market. Windows and android are too flexible and can outcompete them. Who’s going to buy a five-hundred-dollar or more phone when the “c” version’ll come out in a year and look the same for a few hundred less. In the top market people like exclusivity. It doesn’t just matter if it functions better: they also want it to look better. They want people to perceive it as better. And when your thousands-of-dollars gold Apple Watch looks the same as the several hundred dollar one that is spray painted by some kid, you might feel a little cheated. You got rich to get something better. It has to be designed exclusively from the ground up for you.

And at the bottom of the market Android and Windows really rule. You can make any crappy piece of hardware run those, or some open-source OS, and tinker with it to your heart’s content. Apple can’t make it cheap enough to grab the people on the really low end, nor can they make it open enough to appeal to tinkerers. In my opinion, Apple’s losing its core market with nowhere to go.

Now I do hope that isn’t entirely true. I like the modern Apple. And don’t think I hate Apple now or think they’re useless or terrible. I just think they’re making some bad decisions that are leading it downhill. I don’t want to see Apple fail, and I’m worried that it’s heading that way. But only time will tell.

How Apple is a bad horror movie.

By: Austin Smith

With the release of the new ipad, it has become very clear that we are all doomed. Apple is obviously trying to take over the world, and is looking increasingly like a bad hollywood writer’s confused sequel title array. The name of the new ipad is not something easy like the ipad 3 to come after the ipad 2. No its the “new” ipad. It’s like Alien: there’s Alien, Alien 2 and Alien Resurrection. Well, okay, there’s Alien 3 in there also, but that’s beside the point. Apple can’t even decide on a new name so they just don’t call it anything. Or perhaps it’s all a ploy to try to get you to forget that other ipads ever existed.

But this isn’t the first time Apple has done something like this. Remember the iphone? I do! The first time I saw it I said: “man ‘that long cool woman has it all’ will you ‘take me out’?” But do you remember how the iphone came first, then the iphone 3G. Like the Zombie movies. Zombie then Zombie 3, Zombie 4, and Zombie 5, Etc. At least in America, as the original Zombies title is actually Zombie 2, a sequel to a completely unrelated project. That would mean that the iphone was actually originally a sequel to the black berry and then renamed at the last minute. The next ones were then changed back to their original name, as it was technically the third iphone, to avoid confusion. Within…. nothing. It was pointless.

And do you remember when the Macs were called Apple computers? It’s like the entire thing was rebooted with a slightly different name. Like the body snatchers. Okay the body snatchers didn’t spin out into their own series but again you should get the point. They’re trying to make it seem as if they are a different company entirely, or they’re just bad at labeling things.

But the real problem is the ipod. The ipod is everywhere. Quickly, think, does someone you know not have a ipod? You can’t think of anyone, can you? Everyone has an ipod, literally everyone. It’s not like they all have mp3 players, they all have ipods. Mp3 players as a category don’t even exist, they don’t have a chance against the monolith that is apple’s ipod. Since their intro in 2001 ipods have split into so many ranges and different mini-sections of ipods. All based on the fact that the first ipod was good. Like how star wars has three good movies that sell everything else star wars related. So that would make the ipod classic the special edition of “A New Hope”. Well, I guess it was the new hope of all portable music players at the time. And the new ipod nano being “the Phantom Menace” makes sense to me. But moreover they have made it so that everyone can listen to music at any time. Like music is actually an important part of life for everyone. And since nickel and dime-ing people wouldn’t make anyone much money, they ninety-nine you out of a dollar a song. Again like  someone actually cares. Everyone just wants to show off that they have the newest ear-splitting pop song or their great music collection. For absolutely no reason, apple just makes it possible. 

But now that they have something in every household in america soon the sci-fi takeover will start. Or it has already started, they’ve already taken all our money with one dollar songs and cases since every one wants “their””leather studded kiss in the sand” i.e. leather iphone case. What’s to stop them from taking over? I mean you all could have already agreed to a license agreement that gives apple your soul. I’m one of the only people left that still doesn’t have a smartphone, mostly because I’m paranoid about how apple would track my every move and see where I hid the hookers. But also because they could very well kill me, and not just from cancer. But then as xkcd pointed out the takeover would be slow*. And the always correct reporters at Rooster-teeth have shown us that Siri literally kills people*. 

I’m almost prepared for the takeover (I have experience in breaking electronics). But to all the nonbelievers out there that think Apple is such a good company, you just need to think. Someone has to take over the world. If Microsoft tried they’d freeze up and keep rebooting, if linux tried they’d always be waiting for a better “take over the world” patch to come out, and Google would try to take over too many things at once while going too fast and end up disintegrating. That only leaves apple. Apple must take over the world and fulfill its destiny. 

And we can do literally nothing to stop it, I mean we’ve already seen how the future will end up. Even the starship Enterprise is a giant ipod. Or, since we never know where Skynet is or what it looks like (except in the gameboy game and in journey to sillius, but no one remembers those) it could just be apple headquarters with a bunch of iphones linked into each other.

But it really is a horror movie, bad names and all. It’s in everyone’s home, all the kids know about it but can’t stop it, all the adults know nothing or all about it and thus can’t stop it, and only crazy people believe it will hurt someone. We are all doomed, and it’s your fault for wanting that new LMFAO song, your fault.

*citation needed