The Speech to Save the Itsy Bitsy

What do you know about spiders? Spiders are traditionally itsy bitsy right? No? As it turns out there are at least 8 types of spider in the waterspout climbing family. Incy Wincy, Eency Weency, Inky Binky, Inky Dinky, Ipsy Wispy, or Ipsy Dipsy are the various species. Terrifyingly enough, these are just the kiddy ones, and I’m gonna leave out more than just the Blooming Bloody spider to spare your sanity.

The real point here is that we need to protect these innocent spiders from the evil rain. What did these poor spiders do to deserve such abuse again and again? Nothing, and I propose we act now. I’m tired of children having to sing about this horrible issue and nothing being done about it.

I propose that we build a network of false water spouts. These will be in place all around the country to provide a safe haven for the spiders of this rare genus. The plan I have laid out sets aside $13 billion a year of our funds for construction and upkeep of this network. These spiders will no longer have to die for such frivolous reasons. Please help us, we need you support, please, for the children.

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