Book Review – How To Traumatize Your Children

How To Traumatize Your Children is one in a series of intentionally dubious “how-to” books by the publisher Knock Knock. Artfully called the “self-hurt” series, these books are put together like a standard how-to or field guide, but cover topics that one would likely rather not have happen. So it’s all a joke, kindof, and if you see the cover and think it looks funny, you’ll probably think it’s funny.

The construction of the book itself is very nice, with a plastic-y feeling cover that reminds one of water-resistant guidebooks or first aid manuals. It’s a nice size and it feels good in the hand, being both substantial and slightly textured, though it is prone to creasing, and when it does it is quite unsightly. The pages are nice and thick, with a substantial binding that really locks everything in place. The presentation is just really nice and evocative. I’m a fan.

Unfortunately, once inside things start to go downhill a little bit. The book is divided into 10 chapters, 7 of which are various types of parenting styles, bookended by an introduction and conclusion like this is some kind of essay. It starts off pretty funny, with an interesting rationalization for the book’s existence at the front and a nice step-by-step guide on how to traumatize kids in different ways. The first problem here is the graphic design: little yellow “bubbles” with competing thoughts start to pop up in chapters as little asides, but these quickly start coming in between connected paragraphs, or in some case in the middle of paragraphs, running the flow of reading into a brick wall at inopportune moments. And the second is that the joke gets old pretty fast, and the writer(s?) makes no attempt to get more creative with it as time goes on. While the book lists many “different” parenting styles, they all end up being described in the same way, and the list of effects they have on the children is essentially unchanged each chapter. There’s nothing new, it just keeps talking and talking and talking. If I had read the introduction, two middle chapters at random, and then the conclusion, I would’ve gotten all this book had to give me, and maybe even had a better experience.

It’s not too egregious, and I wasn’t frustrated or angry as I continued, but it just got boring. And for a book that is basically a joke, that’s forgivable. I don’t think anyone was really intended to read the entire thing. It seems more like something you’d leave lying around for when guests come around, or give as a gag gift (or get tricked into buying at a store) that someone will pick up, laugh, leaf through a few pages, laugh again, and then put down. And it does that quite well. Whether or not that’s worth the cover price is up to you.

I was disappointed, but only mildly. My expectations for a book called How To Traumatize Your Children were justifiably quite low, and this book actually surpassed them for a moment in the beginning, but failed to live up to its own promise. It’s a well put together item, with well done if… lifeless artwork, and questionable graphic design/layout. The contents are funny, but not too funny, and maybe at bit too cynical. It just left me really ho-hum on the whole matter. If you read the title and thought it sounded funny, this might be the book you’re looking for, but it really has nothing more to offer than that, and to some it might still fall flat.

Book Review – How to Draw Fantasy Art and RPG Maps (By: Jared Blando)

How to Draw Fantasy Art & RPG Maps: A Step by Step Cartography for Gamers and Fans is a book with quite a long name that is aptly described by said title. It’s a “how-to” art book detailing the creation of fantasy or “medieval” maps for use generally with role-playing games. I picked a copy up mainly to get some inspiration from the included examples and not to actually get any solid drawing information from, as my in experience most “how-to (art)” books I’ve read don’t provide any real benefit other than that (the worst being the “Step 1: Draw a circle, Step 2: Perfectly draw a bunny then color it” kind). But does this one break the mold?

All first impressions indicate that this is a fairly standard, if nicely produced, how-to-draw book. The almost 8½ x 11” size is nice and fitting while the 128 page length is right in the middle of books of this type (most good ones at least). The cover stock is decent and the inside pages are heavy and well coated. The image quality is phenomenal; it’s all nicely printed and well laid out (and meant to look old on the covers. meaning the damage to the corners caused by shipping doesn’t show up as much)

The actual content of the book is where it seems to lose purpose. Not necessarily the art, which is very good if a bit overly specific, but in the writing, which spends most of the books length telling you “now sketch/draw/fill in X” without giving any real hints, tips or tricks. And sometimes I get that, maybe there aren’t any “tricks”, but at that point the text could just be omitted. It seems like the author was only writing most of the book because it was supposed to be a “book” and not show-and-tell, but I’m not necessarily against show-and-tell, especially in this context. The worst part is that even with all of the unnecessary text there are constantly little blocks like pop-up ads in book form that “inform” the reader of “free content” on the publishers website (that I’m sure will be around for as long as all physical copies of the book last). I personally haven’t looked to see (now I have, it’s not much) what’s there but they are used frequently enough (to fill space I’m guessing) that it almost seems like there’s a second book online I should be looking at (there isn’t, just wallpapers).

Still, there is some good stuff in the book; scattered around are helpful “aside” boxes that have useful information (generally better than the regular guidelines) and most of the information and images are on a solid foundation. The shield chapter is particularly nice (if short) one where many examples and color palettes are provided to give the reader some inspiration. This stands in sharp contrast to the previous icon chapter where little-to-no variation or creativity-inspiring options are presented, with boring text that at times (citadels) is directly in opposition to the drawing being displayed. This chapter is by far the worst example of the main problem with the book; that is, just stating the obvious about what is drawn. I have eyes and can see that that is a circle, I also know that the first step in drawing it is a circle, but the book explains that to me. I kept reading in the hope that some interesting fact or technique would be presented but none were (or very few at least). It’s still a problem, but much less so in other chapters where the drawings being directed are actually slightly complicated.

But that’s always been a problem art books have. They provide very few options because they can’t provide more. They don’t know exactly what you want, and when they start to provide the reader with options they lose their cohesiveness. Even this book, which is very straight forward and “constricting”, seems to be about how to make two very different styles of map, but they’re presented as one, in chapter order like you’re supposed to follow. But if you included each of the elements suggested in each chapter as you made the map, you’d have a hard time fitting everything in nicely and you’d end up with a graphically confused and cluttered map.

The book fulfills the purpose I bought it for in giving general inspiration and techniques for creating “fantasy” maps, and it’s an alright beginners tool. The author is a very good artist even if he wasn’t given the ability to flex his writing muscles (that may or may not be there) and the whole thing is nice looking and well produced. I think it would have been better served (like most art books) as a series of images to use as “suggestions” or to draw inspiration from, but if one knows about that (perceived) flaw in books like this going in it is no real problem. If one is looking for actual instruction, the sections on supplies, inking, and digital manipulation at the start and end of the book will do the job with little in the middle being particularly helpful. I am glad I got the book, but I’m not sure how much I could recommend it; it’s nothing special in the world of “how-to art” books and I’m not much of a fan of the (quite digital) aesthetic. So maybe take a look at all of that “free content” on the publisher’s website before making a decision (it just takes one to a page to enter their email address to get “wallpapers”, hardly worth it. I’d try and leaf through the book at the store or with an online “quick look” feature before considering it).

Book Review – All the Knots You Need (By: R.S. Lee)

All the Knots You Need is a 1999 book by R.S. Lee about, surprisingly enough, knots. It is a fairly short and heavily illustrated guide to the knots most people would need in their “day to day” lives (quotes because I rarely need knots and I probably will only need a bowline and a square knot in my life) and it took me way longer to finish than it should have. But that’s not the point here; “did it teach me how to tie knots?” is the point.

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The book has around 60 knots that it shows you how to tie, give or take 10 for similarities, like the knots being “the same” but in slightly different configurations, and how you want to count them as “individual knots”. Each one has between 1 and 4 illustrations associated with it, mostly on how to tie it, but sometimes with what it looks like tied. These illustrations are very simple, and clear, but do have more of a flair than just a line telling you what to do (they actually look like rope). They suffer from what all “how-to” books suffer from, they don’t quite explain exactly what to do in a 3-dimensional space. Even with the worded explanations provided I found myself having to try knots again and again with slight adjustments and reviews of the diagram. Since most of the images are singular they don’t provide the proper context for the “process” that is tying the knot, and even the multiple images convey motion very poorly. But that could also be a function of how “knot-illiterate” I am.

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Included in the book along with these knot-tying instructions is information about materials, the parts of a rope, rope repair, rope care, and a glossary of terms related to ropes and knot-tying. All of this information is presented in easy-to-read and understand ways, with minimal but well-written (and drawn) text and diagrams. Almost everything is easy to understand (once you get the hang of it or are interested in an application) and nothing superfluous is added to inflate the book’s length. That being said, some of the sections were incredibly boring to a person (like me) who wouldn’t have a need for those knots on a regular basis (the fishing knot section comes to mind) and if one doesn’t closely follow the instructions it isn’t hard to get lost. But, as I said, I’m not one who needs many knots; the fishing, hoisting, farmwork, and sailing knots aren’t of particular use to me, and the sections aren’t “enthralling”.

For a newbie like me just starting to really learn knots (I didn’t retain much boy-scout knowledge) this is an unintimidating way to get started. The knots you really need are present and presented in a generally understandable format. It is worth mentioning that you pretty much need a rope or the described tying device (fishing line in some cases, or a frayed rope to whip and mend) to get the full effect. And reading this book is almost useless without a lot of practice during and afterwards. Knots aren’t just things that you throw in your brain and then can do perfectly. They need to be practiced in order to be effectively executed. But while the book can’t do that for you, I’d say it’s a good place to start.